By the time you’re reading this, I’m probably already out there—strutting East Hampton in my white thong, boots slung over my shoulder, sun kissing my glutes, and yes, my bulge front and center like the crown jewel it is. Because real men—gay men, queer men, men who have nothing to hide—don’t wrap themselves in shame. Especially not shame stitched together into sad polyester swim skirts disguised as board shorts.
Thong of the Free: Why Real Men Let It Hang Out at the Beach – 2025 Men’s Swimwear Trends – Men’s Style with Maxwell Alexander
Let’s Talk About the Bulge
You’ve got one. I’ve got one. Everyone’s got a package—so why the hell are we still pretending it’s something that needs to be tucked away under layers of heavy fabric? The truth is, American men are terrified of their own bodies. We’ve been taught to hide our shape, stuff our desire, and fear being seen. But your bulge isn’t obscene—it’s human. It’s sexy. It’s sacred.
The thong doesn’t just free your cheeks—it frees your cock and balls. And that matters. Your testicles aren’t accessories. They’re your testosterone factories, and keeping them crammed up in heat-trapping shorts is basically a form of chemical sabotage. I only wear pouch-style underwear (or better yet, none at all), because I like my balls hanging low, proud, and aerated. You want hormonal balance? Start with letting your balls breathe.
Gay Liberation Isn’t Just Political—It’s Physical
We didn’t fight for decades of queer rights just to show up at the beach in the same shame-soaked gear our dads wore. No. We wear thongs because we’re free. Because we can. Because the thong says: I exist in this body, I feel joy in this body, and I want you to see me glowing in the sun, unapologetically.
Board shorts? They’re the fabric of repression. A relic of hetero-Christian modesty that treats the male body like something dirty or dangerous. Meanwhile, you’ve got straight dudes sagging gym shorts low enough to show their Calvin Kleins—but let a gay man wear a Speedo and suddenly it’s “too much”? No. We are done playing small.
Cowboys Ride Proud
And yeah—when I show up in a white thong with my cowboy hat on, I’m not just being cheeky. I’m reclaiming space. The cowboy myth always belonged to us, too. Leather, grit, power, sensuality. Real cowboys weren’t afraid of skin. Real cowboys didn’t wear skirts at the beach—they wore confidence, even if it was just a pair of boots and a tight-ass jockstrap.
East Hampton still posts those racist, classist signs telling people what “acceptable clothing” looks like. But guess what? Every time I walk past one of those signs with my cheeks out, I become the revolution. My ass is political. My bulge is a protest. My thong is liberation wrapped in Lycra.
Thong Is Not Just a Style—It’s a Statement
So wear the damn thong. Let your cock point where it wants. Let your balls feel the breeze. This is more than fashion—it’s healing. It’s erotic. It’s holy.
Gay men: you were never meant to be hidden. Not your desires, not your shape, not your truth. So pack that pouch, oil those glutes, and walk the shore like the goddamn icon you are.
And if anyone stares? Smile. They’ve been dying to do the same thing all along.
